A loss of a home...

I don't often share deep inner thoughts here on our family blog, but have decided to process my grief here. As many of you know the church building that I grew up in was destroyed on Monday morning by fire. I have been reflecting the last few days what the building meant to me, so here it goes.

There aren't many places left that remind me of home. That is to say, the schools I attended as a child have all been renovated, remodeled, torn down or re-purposed. My folks have beautifully redone my childhood home to better fit their needs, including the yard I once played in. The one place that remained, was the church of my childhood. While they did recently complete a beautiful new sanctuary (just 2 summers ago), the rest of the building, including former sanctuary, classrooms and preschool remained. Kristofer and I have not found a church home that truly feels like home, up here. But, we always knew that we could go to Living Savior, and feel at home.

I have memories of the first building, just a multipurpose room with a few small classrooms around its' perimeter. I also have memories of the first remodel back in the late 1980's which added the "education wing". I remember attending Kids of the Kingdom (a small childrens group my mom started with some other moms of young kids). I remember playing sardines at youth lock-ins, it was so dark and so cool to hide in the nooks and crannies of the church. I remember going through First Communion and Confirmation there. I also remember the VERY HOT day in which I wed my sweetheart and danced our hearts out in the sanctuary. I remember the emotional move the church made from old sanctuary to new, a rebirth. And, I most recently remember baptizing our sweet Owen in the new worship space. To say that the building is just a building or a thing is hard. It was so much more to me.

God has a funny way of preparing you for things like this. As I look back on it, I just spent 10 days down in Portland. I drove by the church at least 15 times last week. I went to 3 services, including Lenten Vespers. I took Aaden potty in the Preschool section of the building and we wandered around looking in classrooms that I hadn't seen in years. And most importantly we attended church as an entire family (my brother and his wife included) this past Sunday morning. We sat in the very front row, we never do that! Pastor's sermon was on the serpents that the devil places at our feet that keep us from looking up towards him. All of these things in retrospect helped soften the blow when we got the news early Monday morning that the church was a blaze. A 3 alarm fire, with over 65 fire fighters on scene. A gut wrenching blow. The old church of my childhood, gone. The new sanctuary, heavily damaged.

It has been interesting grieving the loss of a building. But as far as I can say it feels like I've lost a member of my family.

But now...we look to hope. The Living Savior community is far and wide-reaching. The old members have come out of the woodwork to show solidarity. The community at large has taken interest and shown support. In a funny way, I think God is using the church fire as an incredible outreach. Today, Pastor posted pictures of the devastation. I was taken aback to see that the cross standing strong through the fray and the stained glass window behind the large cross, untouched with light pouring through it. Hope, hope for the future and what is to come.

(See updates on the church as we/they rebuild here - http://livingsaviorlutheranchurch.blogspot.com/)